Repository of the Past

This blog is now a repository for all my adventures in abilify, adventures in drugs, adventures in depression, suicide, and mania.

Please, read, enjoy.

I’m in a better place now. Not the death sort of way. God I don’t know why I wrote it like that. I am though. Not cured, but highly functioning. People can’t tell now that I’m off. Psychopharmacology has done me good.

I write now. I’ve discovered that I’m not to shabby at it either. So now I write about writing in a meta sort of way that isn’t meta at all since everyone does it. Maybe it’s just an accepted/normalized meta and I just use meta to make it sound cooler. It’s mainly drivel, but it’s my drivel.

Check it out at jameswilliaml.

I hope you enjoy that as much as I do. It’s less draining than talking about death and such stuff. And in the end, I want my past to remain in the past. I dug up enough of it to write my book and felt devastated doing so. So now this blog is in the past.

  1. Thank you for this. I have been reading your blog for a while an really appreciate it. I have just started writing about my own experiences with bipolar and depression and find it difficult to be honest and transparent. You are an inspiration. Thank you.

  2. Hi James,

    I like the new layout and indeed the intro.

    I am really sorry about what you have been going through and indeed about the arm cutting. As a self-harmer myself I know how much damage that can do physically and emotionally. Thankfully i haven’t done so for a while.

    I just want to encourage you in your efforts and your blogging. I really en joy and am often challenged by what you share.

    You are in my prayers,

    Kevin. from Voices of Glass.

  3. Thank you for visiting my blog. I’ve only been doing this for a week and a half and it is still thrilling when I get visits. I am so glad you had that momentary spark of sanity that allowed you to call your psychiatrist. Those little sparks are so often what save our lives. I was lucky to have one and it is the sole reason I am still here. I’ll be following your blog and your consequent recovery. Best wishes,

  4. It’s amazing how those sparks of clarity can appear at the worst times, isn’t it? I’m glad you managed to call your psychiatrist, and are in recovery. Baby steps, and I truly wish the best for you.

  5. I’ve nominated you for a blogging award –

    You don’t have to participate, but just wanted to let you know.


  6. I wanted to let you know I’ve nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award. If you want to participate, the rules are on this post:

  7. I just discovered your blog from another that you had commented on.. Im now following you and looking forward to reading more!! I hope things get better for you…

  8. I’ve just always wanted to tell you how much I respect you. You’re so honest and open about your life and your struggles that it blows me away. There’s a reason you’re a top health blogger and nominated for so many things. Like all before me I wish you the best of wishes and may the road rise up to meet you.

  9. Hey, just wanted to let you know I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.

  10. I am a fellow blogger and have just been awarded “The Versatile Blogger” award by another blogger. (Please understand that I know little about it but am grateful to have been awarded it.)

    As far as I can make out it is an award given by bloggers to other bloggers whose work/blogs they appreciate.

    Part of getting this award is that you have to pass it along to 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading.

    Since I have visited your blog a few times now and really enjoyed it (albeit that I normally prefer to just read it and then leave, I thought I would award this award to you also as the author of a blog I enjoy reading.

    I have also, as part of this, detailed your blog on one of my blogs “Voices of Glass”

    I hope you don’t mind and understand that I really do enjoy your blog which is why I included it in my list.
    Kind Regards,


  11. Hey James. I haven’t seen a post written by you in awhile. Hope you are doing well.

  12. hey there.. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award.. come see this post to learn more.. thanks

  13. I nominated you for the versatile blogger award.. go see my post for the details

  14. Hi James,
    A little while back I thought it might be really good if we had a recognizable community of writers who, as part of their writing, write about mental health and mental well-being.

    So, being the kind of person who figures having ideas is on thing but you then have to do something about it, I started up the Mental Health Writers’s Guild and being familiar with your writing I really would like and really do feel you deserve to be a part of it.

    It’s nothing special really I just figure that through it such things as support and encouragment as well as comnpetitions and the such could be offered to members.

    The address for it, so that you can check it out and find out more about it, is as follows: and as i say I really do feel you should and deserve to be a part of it,

    Let me know what you think 🙂
    Kind Regards.


    • I’ll take a look at it. I’m starting to get back into the swing of blogging again. It’s amazing how after you lose the habit it’s hard to start again. I also work with Canvas of the Minds, so I want to get a piece out for them in the near future. However, I’ll definitely give your site a look and let you know. I’m rather honored to be asked about it.

  15. Hi,

    This morning I was nominated for two awards with very similar names, which was slightly confusing. One was called ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ and the other ‘The Vesatile Blogger Award.’

    Both had different pictures and yet both required me to share 7 things about myself and to nominate 15 other blogs which I follow.

    You can find out about them and my response to them here: but even though I am sure you have already been nomimated for at least one of them I thought I would nominate you for the both of them.

    I hope that is ok but I really do enjoy reading your blog and wanted to include you in my nominations.

    Kind Regards


  16. Hi 🙂

    I got tagged this morning in the Tagging Game part ii and since I have to then tag 11 bloggers I of course had to include you.

    Apologies if you have already done this or are fed up with the game already (it seems that I am behind the times a little with all this)

    But should you wish to play along here are my answers.

    Kind Regards


  17. Hey, I don’t thing you even know I exsist but I have been following your blog quitw a while. Besides being a little scared of you when you were going through that last episode lol, I just love your talent in writing. You express your information well. Not too over peoples head, but Definitely profesionally done. I love your philosophy. I don’t agree with everything but I admire that you think about life and purpose and mostly that you look to yourself for the answers. Unfortunally that is becoming more and more uncommon. I have an award I found in goggle that I thought would be perfect for you, but I didn’t know how you felt about that kind of stuff. Hell I odn’t even think you read my blog, but I would never pull an award thing on ya unless that was ok with you. Just anted to know that I read every entry of your blog and like, sometimes I have even commented. Keep it up buddy!

    • I do know of your existence. I love finding that you’ve liked most of my posts. I’ve stopped by you blog a few times and enjoyed it. I’m still easing myself back into the wordpress mental health community. I used to be much more active before my depression in the winter. I’ll get back there again.

      Thanks for thinking of me for an award. I’m really bad at accepting them. I’m feeling active enough to finally get around to posting some of the ones that I received while depressed (5 months late… I know). I don’t really feel that I deserve them because I started this blog mainly as a way to sort through my own ideas and evolve through writing. But that’s just my social awkwardness that flares up from time to time. I’d gladly accept the award and add it to my to do list of things to update this blog (like write a new welcome screen).

      • well I think I will post a entry in my blog sometime today then. I have a few others I can add in there but to tell you the truth, it was you I thought of when I came across it. I will send you a messege through your comments when I get it up. Thank you, I really admire you.

  18. Maurita Fenrich

    The good thing about green tea is that it contains lots of phytochemicals and also theanine which helps us relax. ‘*;`’

    Yours trully

  19. I have today made you one of the first recipients of the Brotherhood of World Bloggers Award.

    You can find out more about this award here.

    Hope you like it.
    Kind Regards and God bless you.

  20. Hi there, looking forward to reading more. I’m also manic-depressive with anxiety and phobic issues, as well as fighting heroin addiction. I’ve only just found your blog but I’ll be back to read some older posts tomorrow as it’s late now. Looks like you have some interesting stuff here. Hope things are well with you, take care.

  21. 😉 😦 🙂 Hey James I wanted to ask you a question; it would make a great idea for a post and you seem to have such a better understanding of all things bipolar than I …

    what the hell actually IS an EXPANSIVE MOOD?

    the sum of my research seems to imply that expansive means a flamboyant mood

    but the DSM claim that to be hypo/manic your mood can be elevated OR irritable OR expansive…

    … so what on earth is an expansive mood like on its own? Without any irritability or any elevation?

    What does it look like ~~~ and more to the point, how does it feel? Have you ever experienced it? Or witnessed it? Or ever met anybody who’s ever had it on its own?

    And if nobody ever experiences expansive mood on its own, don’t you think the expression ought to be removed from the DSM.>?

    😉 😦 🙂

  22. Cole Scribbler

    Hello James, I just found my way to your blog by searching for information relating IQ to mental health. Very interesting blog, although I do not blog.

    I have read a significant amount of data on the use of antidepressant to treat chronic pain. However, you don’t see may articles about the use pain medications to treat depression or other mental / mood issues. Both medications can be addictive but have different stigmas.

    My main point for writing is to briefly share my experience. Pain medications were treating my pain but also helping my depression in short burst at peaks on the meds (not ideal, but interesting to note). I have recently started taking a medication called suboxone. It stops the pain, without euphoric peaks. Here is the big surprise… It treats the depression completely. I did a little digging and found a forum titled something like addiction survivors. There are numerous posts there from people who had faked withdrawal and addiction to get access to suboxone. Once the got on it, they were totally fine. It is working for me. It took a few weeks to dose right but now I feel stable and “connected” to life.

    I was wondering if you tried suboxone.
    New follower,

  23. Cole Scribbler

    Wow, I will check my grammar and typing closely the next time I write. Yikes.

  24. Thanks for finally writing about >James Claims – A Manic Depressive’s Journey Through Life, Philosophy, and Science. <Loved it!

  25. Hi James. I know you have not been blogging, and I hope you are okay. I wanted to let you know that we’ve launched Blog For Mental Health 2013 over on Canvas, and I’ve pledged you, despite your absence (I pledged everyone who blogs/has blogged with us). So if you come back this year and see this comment, have a look.

    Like I said, I do hope you’re keeping on well.


  26. It’s impressive that you are getting ideas from this post as well as from our argument made here.

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  29. Glad that you found writing to be a therapeutic outlet. Sometimes we write to understand ourselves more than anything else.

  30. Andrew Sander

    This helped me stop cutting without taking a bunch of prescriptions. Not without counseling, but this stuff saved my life.

  31. I just stumbled upon your blog and have read a few posts. Maybe its just me adjusting to my new meds… but I could cry. I just got diagnosed as bipolar 2 and am dealing with this news as well as an antipsychotic. Its nice to hear about some of your journey.

    I always knew there was something not really right with me, and this has made me feel very alone and disconnected from my peers. Now dealing with the knowledge that I’m bipolar… I thought I’d be happy to have a diagnoses but I feel even more alone.

    So thank you for writing and reminding me that I’m not the only one.

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